no, he came in my armpit
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize