This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
