the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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