did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
