He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
