Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
