speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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