Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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