i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
