Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
