Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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