Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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