She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
