I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
