I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Panties = found
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
