sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
