Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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