If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
