Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize