I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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