Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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