Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
