Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
