Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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