Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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