I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
