my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
