I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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