About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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