Sry I called you an 8
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
