Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
