In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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