I think I died a long time ago.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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