i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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