I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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