my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
