Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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