FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
