I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
