Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
