I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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