Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
