Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So squirting runs in the family.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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