every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
