Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
