Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
