i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
