So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
