how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You ate ashes out of my bong
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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