My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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