Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
