Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
