I bet he comes in French.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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