i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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