But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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