I CAN MOONWALK!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
