Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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