after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
