well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
