you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
