it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
